to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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