How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.