I am spending my child support on dildos
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?