Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
someone owes me an orgasm
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.