still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out