dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?