6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.