Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
