so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
