I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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