The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
