It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
