there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
