I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
