some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
