I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
