oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
