things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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