You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize