"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
