i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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