her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
