I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
