Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
