even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
