I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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