I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You are a genius and a whore.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
