I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
