You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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