Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
