Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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