It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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