$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
id be glad to
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
