I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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