Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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