I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
