i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
