my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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