He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
