fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
