I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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