While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
