my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
