I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
