I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize