I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
