bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize