I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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