THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
