Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
