why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
