Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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