Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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