Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
