his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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