We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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