Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
