i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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