Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
