I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
