you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize