I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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