i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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