So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
