Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
