Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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