he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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