Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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