i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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