God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
