you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
