don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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