My underwear smells like fireworks.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
as a side note pls kill me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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